Be A Man

Before I understood the realities of women, I had not understood the true meaning of success. I don’t think meeting the right woman or knowing how to meet women is really a gauge of success, but it wasn’t until I changed my understanding that I also found clarity in what I needed to do to succeed in business and in other relationships (friends, family, etc).

Until about a decade ago, I had been a great example of the chicken-Man: meek, shy, intimidated, and confused. I had accepted the socially acceptable line about what women wanted and how a man is supposed to offer it, and my success in the world of dating was not just sub-par but almost non-existant. I was starting to grow in success in my business life, but looking back, I really wasn’t doing all that well.

The average geek hears the same stories today that I heard then, primarily from women:

1. “I just want to be friends”
2. “Why can’t my boyfriend be more like you?”
3. “You’ll get a great girl some day!”

Ouch. I had wondered what class all the ladies in my life took to learn these same 3 cliches. Even worse, I honestly believed them.

It wasn’t until I met the man that changed my mind about women; this guy had no idea he had secret knowledge, it was just part of who he was. He was a born Hawk. I was incredibly jealous, but being around a Hawk gave me the biggest insight into the average woman that also brought me success in every other relationship from that point on: other people lie in order to not hurt your feelings. Women especially so.

If you’ve heard any of these cliche excuses, you’re trapped in the myth of the woman’s desires. I’ve discovered over the years that the myth encompasses the following lies:

1. Women want you to take care of them.
a. Financially
b. Emotionally
c. Selflessly
2. Women want you to be honest with them about your feelings.
3. Women want you to be a gentleman.
4. Women want you to ignore your manly behaviors.
5. Women want you to be emotional in your actions.

Yes, friends, these are all lies, all myths. Hollywood doesn’t do a good job teaching us the truth, in fact most love dramas focus around a guy who does all of these things (and is incredibly attractive on top of it). When the average guy tries to fulfill what he thinks a woman wants, he gets shot down: over and over.

It still amazes me today that understanding the average woman’s true desires led me to this portal of success, as I call it. It took figuring out the women in my life to lead me to understand the men in my life. Not just women I wanted to date, but every woman: mother, sister, teacher, boss, clerk and female pals. I had realized that the goal of many men was to earn enough or become famous enough to be able to give women the 5 items I listed above. Yet now I realize that nearly everyone else is wrong — the majority of guys (even successful ones) are chicken-Men, and they don’t realize it.

My friend who was a born Hawk was definitely not a Vulture, yet he was successful with women and with work. He was definitely not the brightest person I knew, in fact he was closer to being a mental idiot than anything else. He thought of himself first and then relationships second (including me and everyone in his life). At first I was very frustrated because I didn’t understand why he didn’t give in and put me ahead of himself once in a while. And in the end, his successes in most of his relationships led back to that attitude — not being a jerk, but being open about taking care of his own needs first and foremost and letting the other person in the relationship take care of their needs. Just like the purchase of an item gives both parties a profit of some kind, relationships seem to work in the same fashion. If stores gave away their merchandise, the store would collapse — this is absolutely true of the successful Man as well.

So how does the chicken-Man change? What is the secret behind the Woman, and how does he change from believing the myths to understanding the realities? I believe you have to take the 5 myths above and turn them upside down.

1. Women want a man who can take care of himself.
2. Women want a man who is stable emotionally.
3. Women want to be treated as an equal.
4. Women want a man to be a man.
5. Women want you to be strong in your actions.

It sounds counterintuitive — we don’t want to believe it.

Breaking it down into illustrations:

1. If a man openly buys women presents, takes care of every dinner and doesn’t let her touch her purse once, she knows that he’s not secure in himself. The Hawk doesn’t buy a woman a meal for months into the relationship, he takes care of his own part of the bill and doesn’t even offer to cover hers. This isn’t even an option. The woman is intrigued by the man’s lack of desire to take care of her financially, unlike every other guy in her life.

2. If a man talks about his feelings and shows he can be sad, happy, angry and loving, the women sees him as weak. A man has always been the protector — holding back emotions and only letting a little bit show on rare occasions. The mystery of what a man is thinking is a very big turn-on for the woman.

3. The man who acts like a gentleman (opening doors, holding a woman’s arm, putting on her jacket, etc) usually does so out of desperation. A man who takes care of himself and lets the woman take care of herself confuses the woman — she wonders why he doesn’t act the way the average chicken-Man acts.

4. A man has certain behaviors that he thinks he needs to hide: looking at another pretty woman, going out with the guys, telling jokes, being a guy. The stable woman knows this, and the ability for a man to act like a man in front of her, instead of acting like a sissy, can be one of the biggest attractions a man can offer.

5. A man who is weak in his actions is a baby — a man doesn’t cry, he doesn’t blow his top at others, and he doesn’t act like a teddy bear. The man who is able to control his emotions is also the man who is confident in his actions. Showing emotions doesn’t make you attractive, but it does make you seem like you chose the wrong path in a decision making process — which is why we get emotional in the first place.

These 5 ideas turn the average relationship with a woman upside-down, but there is a lot more to close the door on when it comes to what we think of as “common sense” and the woman. I’ll get into these items, as well as how this all integrates into business and other relationships, as the week progresses.

Discuss this article here.