As I said in yesterday’s article, the main virtue of the perfect Man is determination. Becoming determined is not a hard process, but it does require a different look on life in general. The typical man (what I call the chicken) has three attributes that prevent him from being seen as a determined individual:

1. He is skeptical about others and himself.
2. He is insecure about others and himself.
3. He is doubtful about others and himself.

Many guides to becoming a powerful man ignore the “others” part of the typical man; this is a very big mistake.

I’ve helped quite a few men in recent months overcome this blind spot. When a man addresses any relationship and is skeptical about the other party, it is easily visible and allows the other party to take advantage of the situation by using the skepticism in their favor. When a man is insecure about the other party, it gives that other party the ability to become more secure even if they didn’t initially feel that way. When a man doubts the other party’s motives or abilities, it makes the other party more powerful by letting them show even less of their cards.

When a determined man addresses any relationship (love, business, friendship), he needs to understand exactly what the other party is capable of and what they want. Instead of being skeptical about their motives, he needs to think deep about what is the most they’ll desire. Instead of being insecure about the other party, he needs to realize that they are insecure even if they aren’t showing it. Instead of doubting the other party’s intentions, he needs to see what the realities are and what he can do to give himself the best position in the relationship for himself.

Once the determined man sees the other party as the less determined of the two, only then can he look into his own flaws and shortcomings. Once you understand that the other party is skeptical about your motives, you can show just enough of your cards to give yourself an edge by being the more open side of the relationship. Once you understand that the other party is insecure, you can display a more secure attitude about your own goals without feeling guilty or egotistical. Once you see that the other party has some doubt about themselves and you, you can reduce your own doubt because you know you have the power (and the right) to walk away from the transaction or the relationship if the other party is attempting to abuse you.

Realizing that every relationship interaction has mutually beneficial possibilities gives you an added advantage. When you understand what the other party wants, needs and has to offer, you can show the other party that the interaction will be positive for them by showing them an understanding that you’re not in the relationship just to take advantage. The determined man sees the relationship clearly, and ascertains what the mutually beneficial outcomes can be. By reducing his own skepticism, doubt and insecurity, he can give himself the best chance to walk away from every interaction benefiting, while also making sure the other party gets some positive benefit as well.

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From dictionary.com:

de ter mi na tion
1. a. The act of making or arriving at a decision.
b. The decision reached.
2. a. Firmness or purpose; resolve.
b. A fixed intention or resolution.

The number one virtue of the perfect Man, the Hawk, is determination. I like to call it confidence, but the word determination is much more accurate. Confidence in yourself is the sense that you’ll accomplish whatever you set your mind to; determination includes the act of figuring out what is best for you in addition to accomplishing that task.

What seperates the hawk from the chicken from the vulture is this virtue of determination. The chicken is uncertain about the now and the future, and is also uncertain about the past; he holds guilt for missed opportunities, but also pines for the ability to go back and change the past. The vulture is ultra-confident to a fault; he has no thought of how his actions will affect him in the future, it is only winning now that matters. The hawk takes a little from both and knows that past mistakes are learning experiences, and the future is directly affected by how you handle the now.

When it comes to love, the chicken is still lost in past crushes, except when a new attraction comes his way. Yet the new attractions usually become past crushes because the opportunities come and go. The chicken is the ultimate girl’s best guy friend, which is the worst person to be.

When it comes to business, the chicken follows the leaders in hopes that he will better himself. Usually this ends up in the chicken continuing to follow, with little hope for ever leading in the future.

In trade, the chicken pays the asking price, and doesn’t follow up if the product or service is subpar or not what was advertised. The chicken tends to collect a trophy room of junk, not realizing the clutter this junk puts in the rest of his life.

In life in general, the chicken doesn’t see each and every relationship as a opportunity that can be mutually beneficial to both parties. Instead, the chicken hopes to make the other party happy so that he can try to get what he wants, instead of finding gain for both parties right from the get-go.

Showing one’s determination to reach a goal is not something the hawk hides. He is open about his goals and his desires — the person on the other end of the relationship already knew what he wanted or needed, and they appreciate his honesty.

In love, the woman knows what the man wants — the chicken pretends he is a nice guy, a friend, with no ulterior motives. The vulture takes what he wants, and leaves the woman in the cloud of smoke as he runs off to the next. The hawk shows what his desire is, and works to make sure his needs are met just before hers are. The surprise in this case is that almost every woman prefers it this way, most without even knowing it.

In business, the trading party knows what the man wants — the chicken pretends that he is just the mere buyer or seller. The vulture makes promises he can’t keep, and leaves a trail of unhappy customers or employers in the dust. The hawk isn’t afraid to admit to wanting to come out ahead, but also is wanting the other party to come out ahead in their own way.

Finding how to be a determined Man is much easier than one would think. It requires an outward appearance of determination, it requires an open communication between both parties but the hawk holds back just enough to keep the relationship interesting and negotiable, and it requires feeling an assurance in being able to complete the transaction but still learn from any failures.

This week I’ll be writing about how to become a determined Man, in a few simple steps. You’ll find yourself better in love, business and all relationships just from making a few simple changes.

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