Be A Man

From an e-mail yesterday by a regular reader (B.P. of Arizona):

ive been dating this woman for about 4 months now and i was having real problems with her complaining that i dont communicate with her properly. i took your advice on how to talk to a woman and it seems to really have made a difference, she doesnt complain once that i dont communicate and im laughing quietly because i am communicating less. the big place i still have problems is through email, should i consider email the same as talking?

The article that B.P. read on how to talk to women is titled The Woman’s Secret #1 - talking. In that article, I recommend that guys in the dating stage work as hard as possible to let the woman do the talking. For most gals, it seems almost a requirement that they do the talking and guys do the listening. In my experience, the more you shut up, the happier the woman is as long as you’re listening. If you’re not a good listener, at least give the appearance that you’re listening. One of my favorite things to do when a woman is talking about a non-serious issue is to stare at the bridge of her nose and then think of things I would be thinking about if I wasn’t engaged in the conversation. Most people will think this is callous and completely ignorant of the woman’s needs, but over time I’ve realized that many women have the need to gab — some of them don’t even listen to us one bit when we do the talking.

E-mail is a really bad place for a dating man, it can trap you in a mistruth, it can come back to haunt you, and worst of all, it can make a woman you’re dating lose her desire for you. The biggest trait a man has in winning over a lovely lady is mystique — get her to wonder about you. We’re not talking about creating distrust or an aura of secrecy, we just want to play the game better.

For me, the longest e-mail you should send a woman who is not your wife is 2 lines long, if that. My favorite e-mail reply is “We’ll discuss in in person, I’ll pick you up Thursday at 7pm at your house.” If she’s sending you an e-mail, she wants to see you. Put it off until the date, and create the date then and there.

Don’t e-mail her your life story. Don’t e-mail her your opinion on a social topic. Don’t e-mail her your emotions or your desire for her. Don’t compliment her over e-mail and don’t make promises in an e-mail for any reason. If she has something to say, you want her to say it to your face, not to a telephone mic or a keyboard and screen. Most men ruin good relationships by destroying their mystique by becoming just a voice or just a bunch of words on a screen. Don’t be that man.

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