The fifth step to building confidence rolls up all previous 4 steps and adds a little part to them. You’re going to have to practice all 4 steps together for the fifth step to be profitable for you if you’re an unconfident man.

The 4-steps to put together are:

1. Fake it. Pretend you’re confident, mimic those you know as being ultra-confident. Once you work outside your fears, even acting as someone else, you quickly realize that you were never faking it at all — you were just ignoring your fears that were holding you back.

2. Partner up. Find a friend who is also unconfident and work to build each other up. A dog needs punishment before they act properly, a man is no different in building confidence.

3. Less is more. When you don’t have someone productive to say or do, step back and let the other party talk and act. Your silence will come off as mystery, and you’ll find yourself more resilient in allowing your mind to catch up to what you need to do in order to keep the other party interested in you.

4. Find those with less, and more. Look for a man with less hair than you but a prettier wife. Look for a man who earns less than you but still has a stable life. Look for a man with a bigger belly than you but has a better family. Look for a man who is shorter than you but still commands attention. When you see that others can overcome their physical and mental shortcomings, you can instill in yourself the ability to be even better.

Doing these 4 steps together all the time will help you overcome your fear of being confident. That basic fear stems from the fear of being denied. The 5th step takes all 4 of these steps together and adds one more step — practice. If you’re afraid to enter the world close to home (a fear of being denied around those you know), take a ride an hour out or practice on your next vacation. Take to everyone — man or woman, young and old, beautiful and ugly. Work at talking to everyone you pass, even if it is just to lock eyes and say hello. If you see an attractive woman, say more than hello, ask for her name. Cut the conversation short well before it is over — it will build mystery from them and confidence in you.

Once all 5 steps are performed, you’ll see that confidence is an act of not being afraid of denial. The reward is much bigger than the risk. After you’ve conquered a few conversations as a confident man, you’ll quickly find yourself paying more attention to why you still get denied — and these denials will soon be more profitable in learning about yourself and your mistakes than the many wins and gains you’ll now make.

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G.U.N. Summer Vacation Update

One of the biggest reasons for a lack of confidence that many men face comes from their lack of self esteem. I think I’ve seen it all (and probably have felt it, too) when it comes to the various reasons for a man lacking in self esteem: they feel ugly, they’re too skinny, they’re too fat, they’re too hairy, they’re bald, they’re not smart enough, they’re too smart, they don’t know how to dress, they can’t dance, they can’t talk to people, they’re afraid of being denied something they want, and more.

When I’ve had the hardest self-esteem problems to overcome, I was never really able to overcome them alone. The more I focused on what I thought was a problem, the more I started to think I had a problem. Even worse, if someone else seemed to treat me in a certain negative way, I often would blame the very situation I was trying to overcome. It never worked.

But while I never could overcome the self-esteem problems alone, I also didn’t use anyone else’s help directly. A business peer of mine (who was a bit overweight, balding, broke and not the brightest bulb) many years ago told me his secret to being happy — he always looked for others like him who were a bit farther ahead in life. He told me that if they could get to where they were, with their shortcomings, he could too. And over the years he did find success in many ways (business, family, finances).

That little secret really made a difference in my life. When I felt ugly, I’d see other guys who were definitely not attractive who had great businesses, beautiful wives, and lots of friends. Ugliness had nothing to do with stopping them. When I felt too skinny, I saw hundreds of other guys who were too skinny who had gotten what they wanted and not let their physique stand in the way. A few years later I put on over 60 pounds, and when I felt too fat, I noticed others who were even heavier who didn’t let their weight stop them from succeeding at their tasks. Even when I lost a lot of money in business last year I didn’t let it get me down; I’ve met dozens of successful business owners who actually filed bankruptcy and still made it back to being on top.

A low self-esteem can destroy your self-confidence. Building a high self-esteem can seem impossible, until you realize that there are thousands of people just like you, with the same concerns and possible problems, who are succeeding in their lives. It is important not to shut yourself out from the world and hide, you have to get out in the world and find who those people are. As luck and hard work has brought me to so many cities and countries, I’ve started to notice how much my self-esteem issues early in life set me years back: almost everyone who is successful has something imperfect about themselves, and many times they have many things that seem imperfect from the outside. But the most successful people are driven to ignore their negatives and support their positives.

No one is perfect, and the few people who might seem that way are usually torn on the inside because others just judge them based on their appearance or their graceful manner. It is those who have gone through periods of lacking self-esteem that hold the most attraction for others — those who have had nothing and still built a solid foundation of loving themselves and finding what they’re good at, not what they’re bad at.

Discuss this article at the Be A Man forum.