Be A Man

If you don’t have a girlfriend and seem to have problems getting one, if you often hear that she just wants to be friends, if you have trouble just talking to a woman you’re attracted to, the basic problem is usually the same: you lack confidence. For the modern woman, most seem to have a confidence-radar — they have the ability to detect a man lacking confidence from miles away. Success in dating has little to do with your looks, your height, your weight, your hairline, your income and what car you drive. My best successes in attracting the opposite sex came when I ignore all of the downsides of my life and focused on realizing that I’m just as capable and fun as I’m hoping the woman is.

Confidence is one of the those chicken-and-egg situations — if you don’t have it, you don’t have the drive to build it. How can you get confident if you can’t get past the fear and shyness? Two words: fake it.

For the first 13 years of my life I was very shy, very scared of denial and very lacking in self-esteem and confidence. I had trouble just making friends because of my shyness. I’m not sure how it happened, but in my early teens I started pretending I was confident, and a few years later I was shocked to realize that I really was full of self-esteem and self-confidence. I’m still not sure why it works, but I do know that it does work. I’ve taken some of the most shy guys I’ve ever met and turned them into confident men that women fall over to meet, usually by getting them to fake it early on.

The best building block of real confidence is to win some and lose some. Confidence comes from talking to stranger — I find that talking to other random guys wherever you are can build up your ability to feel good about speaking. I find that talking to older ladies (retirees and the like) at the store or out on the town helps to overcome one’s shyness towards women in general. I find that talking to women you’d never be attracted to is a great step to overcoming the fear of getting turned down. Faking confidence and working on your problems with non-threatening people is a great way to get past the fake-it stage.

I’ve said that I think that talking is not important when dating, but in order to get that first date, you have to be confident in your speaking. Working on talking with non-threatening people is a huge step in being able to talk to anyone, no matter how attractive or powerful or wealthy they are. Taking that first step in faking it sounds like a cop-out, but it works, time and again.

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