Be A Man

There’s something odd about some unconfident men in the way they act — they’re shy, but when they do speak they’ll blurt out words or jokes or thoughts that really aren’t topical to the discussion, or distract from the relationship between the man and the person he is with. We usually look at these non-sequitirs as geeky actions, but they’re just a surface sign of a lack of confidence.

I’ve been blessed with the ability to process, think and respond very quickly, which is one of the key elements to my successes. This doesn’t mean that I realized I had this ability, and often times the best thing I can do to make myself stronger in any given situation is to just pause. The dramatic pause in a conversation is one great secret of mine to building my own confidence and also making others have more faith in trust in the words I then speak. When someone asks you a question, even if you have an answer, taking just a moment to think it through and then responding really brings attention to your words, but it also brings attention to you. It is this attention that unconfident men don’t seem to want to attract, so working extra hard to attract it is the same as diving into the pool headfirst rather than just dipping your toe in the water.

Even though I can quickly respond to almost any topic (sometimes to the point of interrupting, unfortunately), I find it advantageous for both reasons to take a pause — to help accent my point, and to help me learn to cope better with that attention. I don’t pause often, but I do it often enough when the conversation seems to merit a little extra thinking. That extra 1 or 2 seconds won’t be remembered, but what you say afterwards will be.

The second half of this third step to building confidence is a kicker for me, still, because it works so well. If I don’t have anything witty, wise, insightful or interesting to say, I’ll just look at the person in their eyes and smile, and wait for them to continue. If you really want to be at the peak of confidence, work on this step. Talk to anyone — bartenders, retail clerks, mail carriers, waitresses — and when the opportunity arises that you don’t have anything really great to say, don’t say anything at all. My confidence gains huge leaps and bounds when I can hold their stare with a smile and then get them to keep talking. I’m always amazed at how powerful I feel just from that action, especially given that most people I deal with are readers of mine and are aware of this action I regularly take. It also brings this odd bifurcation of emotions from the other party — it adds mystery and mystique, but it also brings comfort and trust. There is no better action for a man to do that lock eyes and smile, even if it s a small wry smile.

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