I couldn’t believe it until I actually went and picked up a copy. Sales ranking today at #535 at Amazon is a book that is being vacuumed up by thousands and thousands of modern women, and most men stare blankly in ignorance of the treasure that is contained between the covers.

I hate the term bitches — to me it is pejorative and usually used in an ad hominem attack on a woman. I’ll use it for dogs, and I’ll even use it when gauging an extremely difficult procedure. I think in both those definitions the word is accurate and not a cuss or a swear word to me. In the author’s definition, it is not pejorative either, in fact she supports the term for all powerful modern women and seems to believe that all successful women should call themselves a “bitch.” I read through the book in one sitting and returned it to the library to be quickly gobbled up by the next woman who is going to get a better understanding of men and how to take advantage of our short-comings.

Some of Argov’s recommendation for women seem to come right from my rulebook for men — be intriguing, don’t back down from what your needs and opinions are, and don’t get involved in a relationship with someone who wants to control you. I can agree with that from a woman’s perspective as well, but I think nature already offers women a huge imbalance of intrigue and mystery — us men have to combat our hormones often when we want to see a woman’s true nature. Argov says she interviewed a great number of men in order to come up with the purpose of the book — to give women insight into the male’s mind. I think she succeeds to a certain level, and I’m a bit shocked that some of the processes she tells women to learn are very similar to the ones I get berated for when I offer the same ideas to men. I also appreciate that she doesn’t come off as anti-male, as most self-help books for women tend to do. She’s not 100% spot-on correct, but she makes great insight into the mind of the unconfident and low-self-esteem man: a category which covers 90% of men in the U.S. today, even successful ones.

Some of the men-items she covers that I also recommend that men don’t do are:

1. Don’t get relaxed in your relationship with your girlfriend and wife. Always keep her interested in you, and you’ll be interested in her. If your relationship or marriage is uninteresting, you’re not doing a good job to pique her curiosity about even the most mundane things.

2. Don’t be looking for a sex toy. No matter what your physical needs are, a woman is most comfortable in that area when the man is able to focus on the woman from many different perspectives: as a thinker, as a worker, as a mother/daughter, as a lover, as a jokester and as a serious person. Too often, men who are having bedroom problems with their wives are in that situation because that’s all they’re focusing on, rather than finding the balance of concentrating on what she may need at the moment, rather than what you think you’ll need a few hours from now. It is amazing to me how much easier the physical side of a relationship is when both partners’ needs are met.

3. Don’t push her buttons — it is better to ignore them. In Argov’s book, the most significant chapter is on how men like to annoy women to get them emotionally charged. If a man knows what a woman’s hot button is, ignoring it is the best bet. Sometimes we push buttons just to get a negative response because we’re not getting anything positive. If you’re in that position, you’re doing many things wrong — you’re not intriguing, you’re not confident, and you’re too focused on meeting her needs rather than making sure your needs in every aspect of your life are being met — by you.

4. A confident woman is not a controlling woman — So often we men confuse confidence with controlling. A controlling women who wants to dominate your life is NOT confident; she uses control in order to mask her lack of confidence. The best way to see if your woman is confident is to realize you’re not concerned about most of her decisions and actions because she’s aware of what is good for her and what isn’t. A woman who isn’t confident will often do negative things just to garner any attention she can. Be careful of women who are trying to get attention in their lives — a solid woman is one who is comfortable with where she is most of the time

5. Don’t treat her like a servant; don’t be a servant — both parties have needs. You don’t have to be adamant about reinforcing what your needs are and neither should she be. When you have a need that she can cover, you should be just as willing to meet her voiced needs. Yet too often the unconfident man comes up with needs he thinks a woman has, and he tries to force his way into covering those needs even though the stable woman is doing fine without him. It is where you both can meet each other’s needs that you can decide if a woman is right for you or not. Don’t think “I can handle that” when you can’t. Don’t think that a woman that asks for too much, too soon will change in the future — she won’t. Realize that most of the time you can handle covering your own needs, but there will be times in the future that you don’t mind someone else doing something for you that they are better at, with you doing the same for them.

I don’t like the title of the book, but the content is reasonable. I believe it covers a lot of secrets that men don’t even know they have — but I also don’t think it covers everything a woman should know when dealing with men. I also believe that women have a lot more power over men today due to the average man’s lack of confidence and self-worth. I’m amazed at how many women seem to learn from the book — it always seems there are more men with dating and marriage problems than women, so it is good to know that the battle is coming to both sexes.

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