Comments on: Don’t let her ruin your good time.

by: adam.dada

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:14:51 +0000

Thane:

I am an idiot, thanks for editing for me

by: Thane Eichenaue

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 02:32:23 +0000

I think you missed a word above.

You wrote, “You can patch a punctured, you can’t fix a shredded one.”
and I think you intended to write
You can patch a punctured TIRE, you can’t fix a shredded one.

by: adam.dada

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:24:47 +0000

Rosa:

Thanks for the insightful comment from the other side of the sexes. I do admit that I know just as many insecure, jealous and fearful men as women, but since I am a man, I have absolutely no idea if women can battle the insecurity early, or walk away from the relationship as I profess as the answer for men.

As for insecurity or jealousy being a sign of hiding something, I actually don’t feel that way. Most of my truly insecure friends (women and men) are insecure because of the way they were nurtured, combined with a natural propensity to self-protection. It is both a combination of nature and nurture, in my experience.

The fact that your children are starting to question you is a bad sign — one that I would immediately work to rectifying. The nurturing aspect of the insecure individual can be passed down in the way they nurture their children (natural or adopted). I am not one who believes that single mothers can always survive on their own and be good parents, but my wife’s best friend is a single mom who has raised 3 children with no male support other than her father, and she’d one a fine job. How is your family structure outside of your significant other? How is your ability to earn a living without a male figure?

It is terrible that your husband (and I will call him that because I don’t believe that a marriage license is necessary to label a spouse) is jealous and insecure. I assume if you communicate your worries, he becomes closed off and unresponsive, even vindictive. This is a sign of true depression, and he may be considerably better off by seeking professional counseling to try to administer why he feels the way he does. Of course you can not be the one to provide the path to counseling: he must reach that goal himself, and the likelihood is probably zilch.

I do hope you can find a solution. If the relationship is dissolved, I hope that you can watch for the same signs of insecurity so you can provide yourself with a solid, stable and providing mate, rather than one that you have to be a mother to.

by: Rosa

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:17:01 +0000

I feel like I just read a summary of what I go thru day to day. My “husband” (not legally married, 2 kids 5 yrs) constantly calls me when I leave just to run errands. I was raised in the belief that what you project onto your partner is a symptom of your own guilty conscience. My “hubby” must be doing some dastardly deeds, considering the amazing accusations he throws at me. I am very secure when it comes to how I view myself, he on the other hand,is so insecure it is beginning to cripple our relationship. I am tired of never being believed about any of my responses to his endless questioning. Funny thing is I have absolutely NOTHING to hide. I am always honest, even to a fault, because I feel you treat others how you expect to be treated. I am constantly defending even the most minor details of each step I take. I AM FUCKING SICK OF IT. I have a total of 4 children (2 from an ex) all under the age of 10, who now constantly question me whenever I step out the door alone. An insecure mate can debilitate a good relationship just based on their own fears. I am good wife and mother. I work, come home and clean up the messes, put the kids to bed, etc. I never get to “go out with the girls” because even broaching the subject turns into suspicion and attitude. I really hope my husband realizes that I LOVE HIM unwaiveringly, but if this course of action continues, I love myself a whole lot more. I will always choose me,because in the end if you can’t love yourself, you can never love anybody else.