Back in January, I received the following e-mail from a reader who wanted to delve deeper in gaining the eye of a woman they’re interested in — especially one they meet when they’re out in public, but not a particular social event.

I like your articles. All of them have been very clear and understandable, you are a talented writer. The one thing that I always seem to have a problem with is initiation of a conversation. How do you talk to a woman that you find attractive, without seeming like a creep? What needs to be done to have that woman interested in you in your first encounter? What can I say to initiate a conversation, that isn’t too personal, but will also hopefully lead into a longer more diverse conversation with her?

I find that once I am in the conversation with a girl, I always make small vague comments on what she is saying. I listen intently, and always look in her eyes and smile when appropriate. These things you have written about before, which are all great advice. I just don’t have a problem with that aspect of meeting people. Basically what I’m trying to ask is, if you were to walk into a room and find a woman that you are attracted too, how would you go about talking to her with no previous interaction?

These are all good questions, and it sounds like you have some of the basic conversational interaction ideas down, but I can see where the trouble is — how do you get INTO the conversation?

You respond to her comments with small vague comments — this is good. You should never be in a rush to give away your life’s story — you should always remain vague so that she retains an interest level in getting to know you better.

You listen intently — that is one trait almost every modern woman desires. She wants to be listened to, not talked to.

You always look into her eyes — this is a huge turn-on for a modern woman, and it displays the confidence that she’s looking for.

You smile when appropriate — this is just as important as eye contact. Remember, you can never physically touch a woman or invade her personal space, but there are things you can do to connect with her more intimately. Eye contact, smiles, nods are all good and non-physical.

So how do you get to the conversation? This is the question that separates the men from the boys — the hawk-man from the chicken-man, as I call it. My first virtue of the hawk-man is determination. A determined man can not exist without that confidence in pursuing what they want, in this case, conversation with a woman.

What is preventing you from talking to a cute girl at the supermarket or the big box store? Are you afraid you’ll come off creepy? If that is the case, you have to look at yourself — what is it that you think she’d find creepy? Do you have good breath, dress appropriately for your age, scrub yourself clean at least once a day and aren’t a leper? If so, there is nothing creepy about you — being fearful of being a creep is just an impediment to you being determined to talk to said cute girl. For some guys, they’re afraid they’re not attractive enough. Other men feel like they’re too short or too fat or too bald to talk to a girl. Some guys think they have nothing to say (which is actually a virtue!). Whatever the case, you are just showing yourself that you lack confidence in yourself.

I’m short. I don’t have the most symmetrical or attractive face. I have crooked teeth. I talk nasally. Yet I am confident enough to break the ice with a simple “Hi.” It really is the best “line” a guy can say to a woman they meet.

Here’s the secret: not every woman will be attracted enough to you to say anything more than “hi” back to you. So what? Are you attracted to every woman you walk past or see in a given day? I should hope not. But if a random woman you weren’t attracted to came up to say “hi” to you, how would you react? You’d say something pleasant, and find an excuse to move on, right? Women will react the same way.

The fact that you had the courage, confidence and determination to walk up and break the ice can be a huge turn-on for the modern woman, even if she noticed you from afar and wasn’t initially attracted to your appearance. In my dating “career” I can’t begin to count the number of women who admitted to me that they weren’t attracted to my appearance until they spoke with me for a little while. That’s the catch — men and women tend to judge the opposite sex initially by appearance, but that isn’t what hooks either one. There’s something about a determined man that the modern woman just can’t get enough of — and it is such a powerful love potion that they’ll even look past your unattractive face or fat belly or bald head. Seriously.

When you see that cute girl next time you’re out, break the ice. Say hello. Look her in the eyes when you do so. Don’t feel unconfident. I used to like to say to myself “Ok, I’m going to say hello, and I’m going to smile. I’m going to pitch the ball and see if she swings at it. If she doesn’t, there are a million batters waiting to be pitched to.” And there are — but if you don’t pitch to this one, you’ll regret not pitching at all. The pain of being denied is easy to get over, in fact I recommend practicing it on as many women as you can — even the ones you’re not attracted to. You’re just looking for her name and phone number, not her life’s story.

Get out there. Break the ice. Say hello. Get that number!

Discuss this article at the be a man forum.

It is lately the most popular search topic that finds this site — and one of the most common questions I get asked by men I know who just can’t seem to convert a girl they like into a girl who likes them. Sometimes a guy will have been friends with a girl for months or years, and continue to wonder why she never showed interest in him. I get asked that a lot — “how can I make her love me?” The answer, unfortunately, is that you can’t.

Women, as a gender-whole, tend to size up a guy fairly quickly. I don’t think that most women do it consciously or with malice in mind, they just do it as a natural reaction. Most men would paw at a woman within 30 seconds of meeting her — most women also realize this, at least subconsciously. A woman is looking for certain characteristics that are specific to her wants or needs. Some women want a strong man, some want a rich man, some want a tall man, some want a good looking man — some women want all those traits and more! What is it that the woman you like wants or needs? It doesn’t really matter — she won’t get to know the real you until you start stepping forward right from the start in order to detect if she desires you as a boyfriend or just desires you as a casual friend. Some women love the puppy-dog friends: these guys will spend money on them with nothing in return; they’ll be great “night out” partners when no good guy is available; these men will listen to them whine for hours and hours on the phone and be consoling. Basically, these puppy-dog men are like their close girlfriends, but without the jealousy and catfighting.

So what is the solution if you’re the puppy-dog guy already? Erase her phone number. Burn it. Stop calling her. Stop fielding her calls. If she calls you repeatedly wondering why you won’t talk to her, be honest! Tell her that the relationship was too one-sided for you, and you’d rather put it behind you. MEAN IT. For some women, a puppy-dog man shutting her out becomes a challenge to her — she wants to be victorius over the guy she was always victorius over. When the puppy-dog man walks away, she feels like she lost, so she’ll find a way to win. Usually this happens by her seducing the puppy-dog who left, getting the victory, and then breaking his heart. Trust me, men, I see it all the time. If you are a puppy-dog in a guy-gal friendship that you want more out of, WALK AWAY. It is too late, there is no recource, no way to fix it.

Now a few regulars of this site will tell you that they DID turn a friend into a girlfriend or a wife — but the reality is that they may have already had some very specific traits shared between the two that made them NOT like the common man/woman out there. Maybe they shared a strong faith in religion, maybe they shared a strong ability to challenge and tease one another. Whatever the case, these stories are rare — less than 3%, maybe less than 1%.

When you meet a woman, size her up immediately. Notice a few things — does she aim her body at you when she talks? Does she smile? Does she keep her eyes on yours, or is she always looking around? Does she play with immaterial things that take her attention away from you? Some women will pretend to hold a conversation with you while texting to their dreamboat guy on their cell phones! WALK AWAY. Some women will turn their face to you, but aim their body away. WALK AWAY. Some women will face you, but constantly be looking around the room. WALK AWAY. These are the ones you’ll become the sucker puppy-dog friend for!

The woman who faces you, pays attention to you, smiles at you — she’s the one to consider. But don’t just act like a friend from the start — act like a man who is interesting and mysterious. Don’t be a goofball, be solid in what you say, and only say things you really mean. In fact, say things you mean, but say less than you’d normally say. This is a great way to pique the interested woman’s desire for you even higher — making her want to spend time with you, so she can “win” by getting to know you before you get to know her.

If you’re in a puppy-dog relationship, get out. If you’re in a few relationships, get out of all of them! It is too late to turn them into just friendships (crushes are hard to break, and some women will crush you back if you back-off a little!). Just walk. Work on your own confidence by starting at the top of this site.

Discuss this at the be a man forum.