I’ll get e-mails regularly by women who think that my views on being a man in dating are deceptive. They’re right.

I advocate many different deceptive techniques to enhance your chance of meeting a great gal in an ocean of choices for both sexes. Some of those techniques:

1. Fake confidence, which eventually builds into real confidence,
2. Fake interest level by showing less desire than you really have,
3. Be deceptively quiet in responding to her infrequent questions,
4. Avoid casual physical contact even though you are interested in doing so.

Yes, I do advocate some deceptive techniques — and I know from hundreds of men I’ve helped along that it works. What is irritating is that some women harbor anger towards these techniques, when it is the same women who are even more deceptive when dealing with men.

How many women wear make-up over men? There is nothing more shocking than seeing a gal sans makeup and hairdressing that overcompensates for any physical flaws by overdoing it in both departments. Women have entire markets dedicated to deception: bras that make them look more busty, dresses cut to accentuate certain details that their bodies don’t actually portray naturally, wigs and fake eyelashes, high heels, shoulder pads, accessories to draw attention (earrings, necklaces), clothing cuts that show more flesh than men would show.

Imagine a man who wears eyeliner, concealer, opens their shirt up completely, and wears cuts of clothing to accentuate a larger chest and smaller waistline. Other than rock stars, it just doesn’t happen.

While I do admit that deception is common in dating, and even part of my guide for insecure or low self-esteemed men, I don’t advocate lying or deceiving in areas where it counts. Instead of trying to find clothes that make you look slimmer or taller, I do believe that a man concerned with physical appearance can perform basic exercises and dietary changes to fix many problems. The great thing about most women is that they’re not as concerned with appearance, financial capability, and sexual prowess as the media makes them seem to be. It would take a calculator for me to count how many overweight, underheight, low income men I know who have wonderful girlfriends or wives. All it takes is being able to decipher the code of deception than is more common with women then men.

I remember my first encounter when a relationship blew up; I was hanging out with a guy who was dating what I considered a fantastic gal (beautiful, smart, and usually funny), and she happened to be there. I must have been 17, and we were at a local pub where I was admittedly underage. He’s a Brit, she’s American.

The girl was obnoxiously drunk, but my friend had maybe two pints in him over 4 hours. We were at the pub to watch some professional game of some kind, and him and I happened to work in the same consulting industry, so he invited me to the game. She tagged along because she was insecure of him being at a bar with the boys for some reason.

After 4 hours, she wanted to leave. Before we all met, he told me that she’s the type that wants to be dragged along, and if it isn’t what she wants to do, she’ll throw a hissy-fit about it. I appreciated the guy’s openness about his girlfriend, because most of his guy friends did think of her as perfection from afar (and that’s a subject that I will definitely dive into later). I still appreciate openness with other guys who are open about the downsides of their relationships (not just with women). I’m one of them now, and I have no fear to let others know when I’m not happy and why. Reputation comes from that sort of honesty.

So after watching her pull on his hand, then his arm, and finally on his shoulder to leave, the Brit said something that I can never forget and that stuck this day into my head for the rest of my life: “Don’t piss on my good time.” The next words were either “Take a cab,” or “I’ll have the bar get you a cab.” That was it. I was floored. I grew up in a fairly “everyone is equal” family, and probably 50% of my friends till then were women. I was pretty angry that he didn’t want to leave, and I felt that he had slighted her and was in the wrong.

Years later, I’ve changed my tune completely. Relationships of mine that were stable and fun had a priority I didn’t necessarily notice: a woman’s respect for my time with friends, or alone, or doing something I like to do. The girlfriends I had that really made me frustrated, depressed, angry and distant were the ones who did exactly what my Brit friend told his girlfriend not to do: they ruined my good time.

Women’s insecurities are very hard for men to deal with. They just don’t know how to approach an insecure woman that has other great traits, but is so insecure that he won’t let him be him, won’t let him be away from her for an evening (or a weekend, let alone a week). It’s a terrible situation to be in, and if the signs are there in the beginning of a relationship, I generally tell the guy (when asked) to hit the road. You can patch a punctured tire, you can’t fix a shredded one.

Of all the men in my life (casual acquaintances, close friends, family, and those who e-mail me for help), the ones who are unhappy in their relationships can be pegged almost 50% of the time to being with a woman who won’t let them have a good time. I’ve spoken to unhappy men, generally a new one every few days, and I always ask them the same first question: “When was the last time you had a good time?” If the answer is “I can’t remember,” then I ask them: “When was the last time you went out without your girlfriend/wife?” If I ask the second question, the second answer is always “I can’t remember.” Bingo.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go out regularly with the woman you love. What I am saying is that you have to ascertain her comfort level if you do try to go out alone, with friends, or take a trip. I’ve stopped counting how many men have ignored this advice, and have suffered the consequences. I’ve also stopped counting how many men HAVE taken this advice and have thanked me less than a week after ditching the relationship.

Signs that she won’t let you have a good time:

1. Jealousy when you want to go somewhere without her. This can start with “Who’s going to be there?” (which is fine) but continues with “Who else?” This is a loaded question, and there is no good answer. One answer is enough, even if it is “Just the guys.” If a question is posed as “Are any girls going to be there?” she’s the type that’s going to ruin any fun you may have in the future.

2. Outrage that she’s not invited. I usually recommend bringing a new girlfriend to guy’s events at least once, to see how she reacts. I’ve met some amazing gals who do great when tagging along with their boyfriends. Focus on the word some. I’ve also met a great many who should never be invited again — they’re just not happy being there, so they want to steal the focus to them. If you’ve tried to integrate your lady into a guy’s night (or weekend or trip), and she hated it but still wants to come, you’re going to have to deal with that outrage forever. There are going to be things you want to do in the future that she will not want to do, but she won’t let you do them.

3. She won’t leave you alone when you do go out. You know the guy: his cell phone is beeping every 10 minutes, and it’s his girlfriend. This isn’t jealousy, this is pure insecurity, and it is a sign that the relationship won’t work out. I’ve never been wrong about this one. My advice: if you get 2 text messages from your gal in 30 minutes, turn the phone off. There won’t be any emergencies, problems, or needs while you’re out. The relationship at that point is probably ruined, but it’s going there anyway.

4. She wants every detail about when you did go out. “Who did you talk to?” “Who else?” “What did you eat/drink/watch?” It’s great to have a gal who is interested in your life, so please don’t think I am against sharing. The difference between the great inquisitive girl and the horrible inquisitive freak is the times they inquire to your life. Does she ONLY inquire about your “day” when you’re out doing something fun? If she never asks about work, the time you spend with your family, the work you did on the lawn or cleaning the garage, then she’s the freak. I personally love an inquisitive woman who just wants to know how my day has gone; I don’t want the rubber hoses coming out only on the occasion that I happened to be out doing something fun.

5. She tries to come up with a better plan. You want to go to watch a game with friends, or you were invited to an office party, but she finds something else to do: a concert, a movie, dinner, whatever. Women who can’t understand that a man can have fun without them often times come up with things to do that can be fun for both of them. I’ve had a standard answer to this one: “That sounds like fun, why don’t you do that while I’m out?” If she can’t handle that idea, run. If she sits on the couch all night, staring at the clock, run.

6. She’s obsessed with your exact schedule. “When exactly will you be home?” “Where exactly are you going?” This is a pre-event leading to disaster. It’s fine to be a bit obsessive-compulsive about details, but not if they’re only obsessed with the time you’re away from them.

Most of the women who were on receiving ends of my advice to men regarding having a good time have disagreed. But I’ve met some of those dumped girls again, and they’re reigning the same terror on their current men, usually husbands. It’s a terrible life to live, a marriage where you’re not free to have fun. I truly believe that the day comes early where the signs are visible that your gal is either going to be great, or terrible. Watch those signs, and make the proper changes to your relationship if you fear a future that is only about her, and never about you.

In the past 4 weeks, I’ve had not one, not two, not even three but four guy friends “challenge” me with trying to find a solution with a common problem they’re all having: how to deal with the insecurities of their girlfriends (not wives, not fiances). Most of the guys have been dating the ladies for 4-6 months, and all of them have the exact same concen: their girlfriend is jealous, fearful, badgering, controlling, and over-inquisitive of what the guys are doing when they aren’t with them.

One friend is self employed, so his schedule is definitely odd at times. Another friend is unemployed, but doesn’t like to be home all the time with his girlfriend (who doesn’t work, and doesn’t have a huge house or kids to take care of). The third friend is a client, and he’s going crazy because his girlfriend was fine during tax season (he’s a CPA, and was overwhelmed) but is now “acting crazy” during his slower season. The last is just a guy I’ve spoken with at a pub from time to time, who came across me by searching Google for “dealing with insecurities.” Amazing that he also knew me in real life. His girlfriend hates that he manages a bar and grill.

I asked all of them the same thing: how much of your past did you share with your new girlfriend? What did you tell them about previous loves, crushes, relationships or friends? All of the guys shared with me the following: they told them too much.

Insecurities in women are tough to deal with — we live in a society that champions the idea of women being equal, but this puts many women at a disadvantage because NO ONE is equal, and it makes women feel like they must live up to this idea of being a strong-willed, independent, self-capable person. When a person is led to believe that they are the weakest of a group, their lives are negatively affected by what I consider a terrible lie. It is no different to me than what many of my friends were led to believe about housing: prices always go up (they don’t). Almost all of my renting friends made the terrible mistake of buying a home when they weren’t capable of handling the cost and maintenance. Again, people were lied to that they were lesser people because they were renting, and now they made bigger mistakes believing that. I see no difference in how society lies to women about telling them they can be equal to all other women, and men. This is a force that causes a great deal of insecurity in many women.

A trigger for a woman’s insecurities can come directly from a man offering her any sort of information about him that might connect him to men who have treated her badly in the past: fathers, brothers, uncles, boyfriends, bosses, whatever. Tell an insecure female you have been in love before, and she might start wondering why you left that previous love, and if you’ll leave her. Tell an insecure female that you had casual sexual relationships before, and she might start wondering if you’re with her for the same reason. Sidenote: Insecurities in men are no different, but that’s not the point of this article.

It has always been my rule and goal to limit what you share with your girlfriend early in a relationship. The less you offer about your past, the more intrigued she will be, increasing her interest in you, and wanting to know more. But there are some things you just can’t share, ever. Many people believe that men are visually stimulated, and women are emotionally stimulated, but this is not a fact by any means. In my experiences, women are the visually stimulated ones (look at the makeup, clothing, and accessories!) and men tend to be more logically-associated. Again, this has been my experience.

I queried my 4 friends about what they may have shared from the past that put their girlfriends on the defense. Here are the questions I asked, in no particular order or to a particular person:

1. Did you ever tell her you were in love with another woman in the past? Some women will ask this question. My answer has always been “I’ve had crushes, and I’ve had what I thought was love, but after digging deeper we mutually realized that things weren’t heading in a direction we both shared.” It’s always the truth, but it doesn’t put pictures in her head. Relationships that end should be always on a mutual understanding of a lack of direction, not a lack of passion, love, friendship or sex.

2. Did you ever tell her you had a relationship with someone at work? That’s a common question. My answer has always been “I’ve gone out with people I’ve worked with, but I was young and didn’t realize how much it affects work. Nothing serious, but definitely a learning lesson just to keep business and pleasure apart.” Again, this shows you are a logical and concerned boyfriend, not someone who was sleeping through the entire Human Resources department.

3. Did you ever tell her you hooked up with someone? I can’t believe guys would answer this question in detail, even if you’re a virgin till marriage, “hooking up” creates some rough mental pictures. Even if you HAVE “hooked up” with someone before, the best answer is “I’m not one to jump into a relationship of any sort without getting to know the person much better.” This isn’t a lie, because if you did hook up, you made that decision based on knowing the person “better” than not at all. If you tend to hook up with people without saying 5 words to them, you probably aren’t ready to be in a long term relationship until you overcome those desires.

4. Did you ever tell you you’ve kissed a friend, and called it a mistake? I’ve fielded this question before (I had a lot of female pals when I was younger), and I am shocked at the amount of guys who admit to this. The moment you cross that line, the woman will never trust casual female acquaintances in your life. My answer has been “I’ve never kissed a friend, but I’ve had past crushes that turned into friendships when it was obvious things weren’t heading in the same direction.” No one kisses “just a friend,” there is almost always some attraction that is more akin to a crush than a friendship. Don’t make a friend into a crush, make a crush into a friend. Cap it off with “Nothing happened after we realized we really didn’t like each other that way.”

Insecurities in women come from a bad past, usually. Old drama turns into modern baggage, and it is hard to deal with once you start stuffing your own history into her baggage. If you’re going to open your mouth too much, think the mental picture through that might come from what you say. Limiting yourself to being logical, instead of visual, can lead you to a healthy relationship that helps the insecure woman grow, rather than stay on the course of distrust and jealousy.

Lastly, if it is obvious that she is too controlling, too jealous, and too insecure, you should realize that those things don’t change. Once her insecurities enter your relationship, they can be a terrible weapon against stability in the long term. I’ve dated some nice and brilliant women in my life, but some of them had insecurities that were impossible to tackle. I don’t have sympathy for the guys that married them, figuring they could change the women, only to make all the mistakes I listed above.

Last week I received quite a few critical e-mails from both friends and people who were new to the site. The most common criticism is reports of men who told me that their relationships with their wives broke all the rules in the beginning, and their relationships are fine. I’d like to address these criticisms with my experience of dealing with women in my 18 years since becoming a man.

First of all, not all women are the same — absolutely not. The few friends who criticized me last week shared something with most of the readers who had the same criticisms: they were not dealing with what I call the modern woman. There is a difference between dealing with modern women and dealing with the woman who was raised with old-fashioned morals or thoughts on relationships.

The fastest answer in how to date, and even marry, a great woman is only go after those raise with old-fashioned morals. Yet this is not a good answer, because those women are becoming hard to come by, and even harder to date if you have taken on any modern man traits. The single men I am friends with are generally attracted to the modern woman — old-fashioned women come off as fuddy-duddy to them and uninteresting. The married man that I am friends with are almost all married to modern women, and every man I know who has been divorced in the past 10 years divorced from a modern woman.

For this site, I cover only the modern woman, not the old-fashioned one. If you are lucky enough to meet an old-fashioned gal, and you’re also one who finds attraction towards the older-ways, this site will absolutely, positively not be where you want to be. For the rest of us who prefer the moderm woman, the goals should be the same: build your confidence and your knowledge of the modern woman’s needs and desires, and you’ll do just fine, even better than if you didn’t know the basic rules of engagement.

Discuss this article at the be a man forum.

You’ll hear it from every “dating expert,” but few have good reason behind it. I’ll get past the first and most obvious reason why you shouldn’t lie to a woman:

1. Don’t lie because you’ll get caught. That’s pretty obvious. Memory is a finicky thing, and lying is never worth it — as you’ll read later on. But even knowing this obvious fact isn’t enough to prevent most of us from pushing the truth a little. What is amazing is that lying actually breaks some of my more esoteric rules I’ve mentioned before.

2. Don’t lie because you’re giving away too much information. That is a rule, if you recall — shut up. Talking too much and providing too much information about yourself too quickly is a sure way to drop her desire for you into the freezing temperatures. Whether you’re telling her the truth about your job or pretending you’re bigger than you are, it doesn’t matter — you’re talking too much. Yap, yap, yap sends you home without the phone number, maybe even without the name. Just meet the gal for the first time? Say hi, get her name, listen to her yap for 5 minutes. Get her number, move on! It isn’t that difficult, fellows.

3. Don’t lie because she’s not interested anyway. What do most guys lie about? Their jobs, their cars, their income, their previous dating career, their hobbies, their goals, their living situations. She’s not interested. You might think she is interested because you yourself would be interested in those facts, but you’re a guy. You might hear some of your gal pals brag about how much money their boyfriends make or how nice of a car they drive, but that isn’t what she really is interested in — she’s just bragging to friends. You could live at home with your parents, work at Wal*Mart as a janitor, drive an 87 Buick with rust, and she’d still brag to her friends by saying “He is so focused on the future and having a family, he gives up so much now so he’ll have more to share later!” That’s right, guys, she doesn’t care what you have, so why bother lying about it?

4. Don’t lie because she isn’t worth it. Lying to others can cause guilt in your heart and your mind. For those with religion or faith here, lying is considered a “sin” or an “evil” or whatever your particular religion calls it. For those without that faith, lying can make you feel bad — especially if your lies don’t attract her attention (and they generally won’t, unless she’s a golddigger). Whether or not you get her name and number, the lies you tell to get there will haunt you on some level. It isn’t worth the risk.

And my newest favorite reason not to lie is…

5. Don’t lie, she prefers average guys to the high-rollers. I didn’t believe it at first, but for years I’ve know that average guys are happier than guys who have way more. The guy with the great looks, the American Express Black Centurion Card, the $100,000 Lexus, the condo in Manhattan? They’re not that happy. Sure, they have so much wonderful stuff, but few of them have wonderful gals. Don’t believe me? The BBC concurs in an article titled “Why women fall for ‘Mr Average’.” For a while, I couldn’t figure out why my average friends had better luck than my “blessed” friends, until it struck me — these average guys will be better fathers and husbands for their wives. Sure, the golddigger girl wants the guy with everything, but why would you want her? Have you seen the mess that is left behind when a friend of yours dated (or married) a high-drama wants-everything girl? You know already that Little Miss Average would be Best Amazing Wife moreso than Hot Tall Skinny Blonde would, so doesn’t it makes sense that Little Mister Average would be a great husband? Of course, you don’t make those connections by default — women do.

So there you have it — 5 Reasons Not to Lie to a Woman. It isn’t that hard, once you know the rules and realize that lying actually violates some of the other rules, and it is a rule itself.

Discuss this article at the Be A Man forum

I like your articles. All of them have been very clear and understandable, you are a talented writer. The one thing that I always seem to have a problem with is initiation of a conversation. How do you talk to a woman that you find attractive, without seeming like a creep? What needs to be done to have that woman interested in you in your first encounter? What can I say to initiate a conversation, that isn’t too personal, but will also hopefully lead into a longer more diverse conversation with her?

I find that once I am in the conversation with a girl, I always make small vague comments on what she is saying. I listen intently, and always look in her eyes and smile when appropriate. These things you have written about before, which are all great advice. I just don’t have a problem with that aspect of meeting people. Basically what I’m trying to ask is, if you were to walk into a room and find a woman that you are attracted too, how would you go about talking to her with no previous interaction?

These are all good questions, and it sounds like you have some of the basic conversational interaction ideas down, but I can see where the trouble is — how do you get INTO the conversation?

You respond to her comments with small vague comments — this is good. You should never be in a rush to give away your life’s story — you should always remain vague so that she retains an interest level in getting to know you better.

You listen intently — that is one trait almost every modern woman desires. She wants to be listened to, not talked to.

You always look into her eyes — this is a huge turn-on for a modern woman, and it displays the confidence that she’s looking for.

You smile when appropriate — this is just as important as eye contact. Remember, you can never physically touch a woman or invade her personal space, but there are things you can do to connect with her more intimately. Eye contact, smiles, nods are all good and non-physical.

So how do you get to the conversation? This is the question that separates the men from the boys — the hawk-man from the chicken-man, as I call it. My first virtue of the hawk-man is determination. A determined man can not exist without that confidence in pursuing what they want, in this case, conversation with a woman.

What is preventing you from talking to a cute girl at the supermarket or the big box store? Are you afraid you’ll come off creepy? If that is the case, you have to look at yourself — what is it that you think she’d find creepy? Do you have good breath, dress appropriately for your age, scrub yourself clean at least once a day and aren’t a leper? If so, there is nothing creepy about you — being fearful of being a creep is just an impediment to you being determined to talk to said cute girl. For some guys, they’re afraid they’re not attractive enough. Other men feel like they’re too short or too fat or too bald to talk to a girl. Some guys think they have nothing to say (which is actually a virtue!). Whatever the case, you are just showing yourself that you lack confidence in yourself.

I’m short. I don’t have the most symmetrical or attractive face. I have crooked teeth. I talk nasally. Yet I am confident enough to break the ice with a simple “Hi.” It really is the best “line” a guy can say to a woman they meet.

Here’s the secret: not every woman will be attracted enough to you to say anything more than “hi” back to you. So what? Are you attracted to every woman you walk past or see in a given day? I should hope not. But if a random woman you weren’t attracted to came up to say “hi” to you, how would you react? You’d say something pleasant, and find an excuse to move on, right? Women will react the same way.

The fact that you had the courage, confidence and determination to walk up and break the ice can be a huge turn-on for the modern woman, even if she noticed you from afar and wasn’t initially attracted to your appearance. In my dating “career” I can’t begin to count the number of women who admitted to me that they weren’t attracted to my appearance until they spoke with me for a little while. That’s the catch — men and women tend to judge the opposite sex initially by appearance, but that isn’t what hooks either one. There’s something about a determined man that the modern woman just can’t get enough of — and it is such a powerful love potion that they’ll even look past your unattractive face or fat belly or bald head. Seriously.

When you see that cute girl next time you’re out, break the ice. Say hello. Look her in the eyes when you do so. Don’t feel unconfident. I used to like to say to myself “Ok, I’m going to say hello, and I’m going to smile. I’m going to pitch the ball and see if she swings at it. If she doesn’t, there are a million batters waiting to be pitched to.” And there are — but if you don’t pitch to this one, you’ll regret not pitching at all. The pain of being denied is easy to get over, in fact I recommend practicing it on as many women as you can — even the ones you’re not attracted to. You’re just looking for her name and phone number, not her life’s story.

Get out there. Break the ice. Say hello. Get that number!

Discuss this article at the be a man forum.

Women, as a gender-whole, tend to size up a guy fairly quickly. I don’t think that most women do it consciously or with malice in mind, they just do it as a natural reaction. Most men would paw at a woman within 30 seconds of meeting her — most women also realize this, at least subconsciously. A woman is looking for certain characteristics that are specific to her wants or needs. Some women want a strong man, some want a rich man, some want a tall man, some want a good looking man — some women want all those traits and more! What is it that the woman you like wants or needs? It doesn’t really matter — she won’t get to know the real you until you start stepping forward right from the start in order to detect if she desires you as a boyfriend or just desires you as a casual friend. Some women love the puppy-dog friends: these guys will spend money on them with nothing in return; they’ll be great “night out” partners when no good guy is available; these men will listen to them whine for hours and hours on the phone and be consoling. Basically, these puppy-dog men are like their close girlfriends, but without the jealousy and catfighting.

So what is the solution if you’re the puppy-dog guy already? Erase her phone number. Burn it. Stop calling her. Stop fielding her calls. If she calls you repeatedly wondering why you won’t talk to her, be honest! Tell her that the relationship was too one-sided for you, and you’d rather put it behind you. MEAN IT. For some women, a puppy-dog man shutting her out becomes a challenge to her — she wants to be victorius over the guy she was always victorius over. When the puppy-dog man walks away, she feels like she lost, so she’ll find a way to win. Usually this happens by her seducing the puppy-dog who left, getting the victory, and then breaking his heart. Trust me, men, I see it all the time. If you are a puppy-dog in a guy-gal friendship that you want more out of, WALK AWAY. It is too late, there is no recource, no way to fix it.

Now a few regulars of this site will tell you that they DID turn a friend into a girlfriend or a wife — but the reality is that they may have already had some very specific traits shared between the two that made them NOT like the common man/woman out there. Maybe they shared a strong faith in religion, maybe they shared a strong ability to challenge and tease one another. Whatever the case, these stories are rare — less than 3%, maybe less than 1%.

When you meet a woman, size her up immediately. Notice a few things — does she aim her body at you when she talks? Does she smile? Does she keep her eyes on yours, or is she always looking around? Does she play with immaterial things that take her attention away from you? Some women will pretend to hold a conversation with you while texting to their dreamboat guy on their cell phones! WALK AWAY. Some women will turn their face to you, but aim their body away. WALK AWAY. Some women will face you, but constantly be looking around the room. WALK AWAY. These are the ones you’ll become the sucker puppy-dog friend for!

The woman who faces you, pays attention to you, smiles at you — she’s the one to consider. But don’t just act like a friend from the start — act like a man who is interesting and mysterious. Don’t be a goofball, be solid in what you say, and only say things you really mean. In fact, say things you mean, but say less than you’d normally say. This is a great way to pique the interested woman’s desire for you even higher — making her want to spend time with you, so she can “win” by getting to know you before you get to know her.

If you’re in a puppy-dog relationship, get out. If you’re in a few relationships, get out of all of them! It is too late to turn them into just friendships (crushes are hard to break, and some women will crush you back if you back-off a little!). Just walk. Work on your own confidence by starting at the top of this site.

Discuss this at the be a man forum.

By A.B. Dada
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It’s a common question, and also a very common search phrase at Google — do short guys have a problem dating? It would seem so, according to some statistical websites, such as the Short Person Support site.¹ The site shows some interesting statistics — women seem to prefer taller guys. That site says that 8% of women who are 5′6″ would choose a shorter guy, and 13% of women 5′8″ woudl choose a shorter guy. But I know these statistics are wrong — I’m a shorter man (5′7″) and I definitely haven’t had problems dating. In reality, it isn’t the height of the man that is the problem, it is the attitude that comes along with most men, tall or short. While women may THINK they won’t date a short man (or a shorter man), in reality most women just won’t date an unconfident man. Why is it that short guys tend to not have confidence? Maybe they were raised with a fear that women won’t date them! It is a viscious circle — shorter guys fear that they won’t have luck with a certain woman, and their lack of confidence ends up showing that to be true. This leads that woman to believe she doesn’t like the guy because of his height, instead of realizing that he’s just not confident.

That IS a fact, in my experience. Women like confident men, but women tend to not realize it. I’ve met more confident tall men than short ones, but I have also met my share of terrible unconfident tall men. The few guys that are naturally confident just don’t realize that’s what they have that other guys don’t. A naturally confident man is much more attractive to women, even if he’s not physically special. Time and again do we see “ugly” guys with pretty women, and we figure it is because they have money or they have connections. What most people don’t see is that they’re confident — it is the confidence that got them the money and the connections. When you’re confident, you can attack tasks with a greater chance of success. A confident short man is much more likely to get a job at an interview. A confident short man is much more likely to be the center of attention at a party. A confident short man is much more likely to get a woman’s phone number and get that important first date. It has nothing to do with your height, it has everything to do with how much you believe in yourself, in your ability to communicate, in your ability to lock eyes with anyone at any time, in your ability to command respect without having an attitude or a mean streak.

If you’re short, don’t be down on your height — tallness can be a talent, but it can also be a weakness. Regardless of your looks, wealth, intelligence, sense of humor or even your height, get started on being confident in all that you have, and disregard all you don’t have. Dreams and fantasies about changing something unchangeable won’t work for you with the ladies, the bosses, the pals and the family — but being confident starting today will.

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I couldn’t believe it until I actually went and picked up a copy. Sales ranking today at #535 at Amazon is a book that is being vacuumed up by thousands and thousands of modern women, and most men stare blankly in ignorance of the treasure that is contained between the covers.

I hate the term bitches — to me it is pejorative and usually used in an ad hominem attack on a woman. I’ll use it for dogs, and I’ll even use it when gauging an extremely difficult procedure. I think in both those definitions the word is accurate and not a cuss or a swear word to me. In the author’s definition, it is not pejorative either, in fact she supports the term for all powerful modern women and seems to believe that all successful women should call themselves a “bitch.” I read through the book in one sitting and returned it to the library to be quickly gobbled up by the next woman who is going to get a better understanding of men and how to take advantage of our short-comings.

Some of Argov’s recommendation for women seem to come right from my rulebook for men — be intriguing, don’t back down from what your needs and opinions are, and don’t get involved in a relationship with someone who wants to control you. I can agree with that from a woman’s perspective as well, but I think nature already offers women a huge imbalance of intrigue and mystery — us men have to combat our hormones often when we want to see a woman’s true nature. Argov says she interviewed a great number of men in order to come up with the purpose of the book — to give women insight into the male’s mind. I think she succeeds to a certain level, and I’m a bit shocked that some of the processes she tells women to learn are very similar to the ones I get berated for when I offer the same ideas to men. I also appreciate that she doesn’t come off as anti-male, as most self-help books for women tend to do. She’s not 100% spot-on correct, but she makes great insight into the mind of the unconfident and low-self-esteem man: a category which covers 90% of men in the U.S. today, even successful ones.

Some of the men-items she covers that I also recommend that men don’t do are:

1. Don’t get relaxed in your relationship with your girlfriend and wife. Always keep her interested in you, and you’ll be interested in her. If your relationship or marriage is uninteresting, you’re not doing a good job to pique her curiosity about even the most mundane things.

2. Don’t be looking for a sex toy. No matter what your physical needs are, a woman is most comfortable in that area when the man is able to focus on the woman from many different perspectives: as a thinker, as a worker, as a mother/daughter, as a lover, as a jokester and as a serious person. Too often, men who are having bedroom problems with their wives are in that situation because that’s all they’re focusing on, rather than finding the balance of concentrating on what she may need at the moment, rather than what you think you’ll need a few hours from now. It is amazing to me how much easier the physical side of a relationship is when both partners’ needs are met.

3. Don’t push her buttons — it is better to ignore them. In Argov’s book, the most significant chapter is on how men like to annoy women to get them emotionally charged. If a man knows what a woman’s hot button is, ignoring it is the best bet. Sometimes we push buttons just to get a negative response because we’re not getting anything positive. If you’re in that position, you’re doing many things wrong — you’re not intriguing, you’re not confident, and you’re too focused on meeting her needs rather than making sure your needs in every aspect of your life are being met — by you.

4. A confident woman is not a controlling woman — So often we men confuse confidence with controlling. A controlling women who wants to dominate your life is NOT confident; she uses control in order to mask her lack of confidence. The best way to see if your woman is confident is to realize you’re not concerned about most of her decisions and actions because she’s aware of what is good for her and what isn’t. A woman who isn’t confident will often do negative things just to garner any attention she can. Be careful of women who are trying to get attention in their lives — a solid woman is one who is comfortable with where she is most of the time

5. Don’t treat her like a servant; don’t be a servant — both parties have needs. You don’t have to be adamant about reinforcing what your needs are and neither should she be. When you have a need that she can cover, you should be just as willing to meet her voiced needs. Yet too often the unconfident man comes up with needs he thinks a woman has, and he tries to force his way into covering those needs even though the stable woman is doing fine without him. It is where you both can meet each other’s needs that you can decide if a woman is right for you or not. Don’t think “I can handle that” when you can’t. Don’t think that a woman that asks for too much, too soon will change in the future — she won’t. Realize that most of the time you can handle covering your own needs, but there will be times in the future that you don’t mind someone else doing something for you that they are better at, with you doing the same for them.

I don’t like the title of the book, but the content is reasonable. I believe it covers a lot of secrets that men don’t even know they have — but I also don’t think it covers everything a woman should know when dealing with men. I also believe that women have a lot more power over men today due to the average man’s lack of confidence and self-worth. I’m amazed at how many women seem to learn from the book — it always seems there are more men with dating and marriage problems than women, so it is good to know that the battle is coming to both sexes.

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The 4-steps to put together are:

1. Fake it. Pretend you’re confident, mimic those you know as being ultra-confident. Once you work outside your fears, even acting as someone else, you quickly realize that you were never faking it at all — you were just ignoring your fears that were holding you back.

2. Partner up. Find a friend who is also unconfident and work to build each other up. A dog needs punishment before they act properly, a man is no different in building confidence.

3. Less is more. When you don’t have someone productive to say or do, step back and let the other party talk and act. Your silence will come off as mystery, and you’ll find yourself more resilient in allowing your mind to catch up to what you need to do in order to keep the other party interested in you.

4. Find those with less, and more. Look for a man with less hair than you but a prettier wife. Look for a man who earns less than you but still has a stable life. Look for a man with a bigger belly than you but has a better family. Look for a man who is shorter than you but still commands attention. When you see that others can overcome their physical and mental shortcomings, you can instill in yourself the ability to be even better.

Doing these 4 steps together all the time will help you overcome your fear of being confident. That basic fear stems from the fear of being denied. The 5th step takes all 4 of these steps together and adds one more step — practice. If you’re afraid to enter the world close to home (a fear of being denied around those you know), take a ride an hour out or practice on your next vacation. Take to everyone — man or woman, young and old, beautiful and ugly. Work at talking to everyone you pass, even if it is just to lock eyes and say hello. If you see an attractive woman, say more than hello, ask for her name. Cut the conversation short well before it is over — it will build mystery from them and confidence in you.

Once all 5 steps are performed, you’ll see that confidence is an act of not being afraid of denial. The reward is much bigger than the risk. After you’ve conquered a few conversations as a confident man, you’ll quickly find yourself paying more attention to why you still get denied — and these denials will soon be more profitable in learning about yourself and your mistakes than the many wins and gains you’ll now make.

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G.U.N. Summer Vacation Update